Shame On Me

For the past few weeks, between all the other things that have been going on, I've been having a few "date nights" with current interest. They've all gone well, we've been making some real progress in our relationship I'd say.

Last night he came over for another date night where I cooked dinner. I made pan seared ahi tuna, a sweet potato salad and jasmine rice. It is a really good meal, I don't mean to brag, but it was!

Then we watched one of my top ten favorite movies, Juno. He had never seen it, he said he enjoyed it. He had been rubbing my arm or holding my hand and kissing my head the entire movie. By the end of the movie he had me pretty much cradled in his lap. It was all real sweet.

After the movie we were just talking while the credits were rolling. And then he threw in, "I just want you to know, I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now."

I almost just kept going with the normal conversation. In fact, I did say, "Okay, I understand." And I was about to start talking about something else.

But then I realized what he had slipped into the conversation. WHAT????

So I said, "Wait, I don't understand. I mean, the way we've been acting lately, the things we've been doing, that seems like it's well on the road to serious relationship to me!"

I'm not going to re-type the conversation verbatim, but I will paraphrase what was said from there. Pretty much, he agreed that the things we'd been doing lately (like the date nights) have been on the road to a serious relationship. And that is why he wanted to have this conversation. Because he isn't ready for that. If he is going to be in a serious relationship he wants to do it right. And he just isn't at a point in his life that he feels like he could do it right. He said don't get him wrong, he really likes me and still wants to hang out with me. But he just doesn't want to get into a serious relationship right now.

I pretty much went straight to bed after he left last night. But when I woke up, all I could think about was the book, "He's Just Not That Into You." I was pretty sure they had something just like this situation in there. Luckily, I own just about every dating and relationship book, so I went and grabbed it off the shelf.

Sure enough, they have a whole chapter on this. It's called, "He's Just Not That Into You If He Breaks Up With You." I am pretty sure the first time I read this book (or probably skimmed, that's not the kind of book I can read cover-to-cover), I skimmed over this chapter.

In fact I'm sure of it. I remember thinking, who doesn't know that if a guy breaks up with you that he's just not that into you? That seems like a no-brainer. And it is. And I really was not referencing this because I thought it pertained to the time he "broke it off" with me in the middle of a parking lot. I really just wanted to read this chapter because I knew it would be a step towards closure and moving past him. But lets be honest, that time in the parking lot does pertain to this chapter as well.

Reading that chapter of the book did really help out a lot. It's good to have written reassurance that that you are best off just letting it go and moving on. Which is what I plan on doing.

One of the realizations I made on my own, was that he used the classic, "It's not you, it's me." He just used more words and things that sounded better. And lets be honest, all that means is "It's you, not me." AKA...I don't like you enough to be with you. There's the bottom line.

But after all the warning signs along the way, the only thing I can think to say about this whole thing to wrap it all up is, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."