The Seasons Always Change

In college, Chelsea gave me a book called, "How to be Happy, dammit." It is a great book and I often think back to parts of it on a regular basis. But there is one part in particular that I always remember:


"We all come from the same Big Bubbling Pot of World Primordial Nature Stew. Because of this, you are governed- along with your Pot Mates (like plants and flowers and bananas)- under the same Laws of Primordial Nature.

These laws include the ever popular: Spring Law, Summer Law, Fall Law and Winter Law. You have tried your best to break these four laws... but they've been more successful at breaking you.

For instance, at some point in your year (every year) it seems your life hits a "winter phase" of coldness and darkness with very little growth and fertility- a phase that gets you thinking:

Oh no. That's it, my life is over. Everything good is gone.

The world sucks.

Only to find that... whaddayaknow...

Your winter phase ends and the Spring Law arrives to spring you free into a phase filled with renewal and growth and brightness. Then comes your summer phase, followed by fall, winter, spring, summer, etc... etc..."


We've always got to remember that things will get bad at times, but good times are around the corner. They always have been and always will be. Sometimes all you have is a tiny thread of hope to hold onto, but you will get there.

I am saying this because many things in my life are going through those seasonal changes. I just ended another year at school (which entailed several things: saying good-bye to the best group of students I've ever taught, saying good-bye to four great retiring teachers, hearing my terrible principal for the last time and finishing the relentless gardening project). Just a couple of months ago Emily moved to McAllen, which it has still not quite sunk in that she is not here (She was here a couple of weeks ago and this weekend, which will not always be the case).

But the biggest change in my life just came today. My boyfriend and I broke up. I wouldn't say that it came totally unexpected, and it definitely wasn't a nasty break-up. He has let me know exactly what he has been feeling all along, and his divorce (which officially hasn't even been a year) still weighs heavily on him. Like he said, "he's just not able to give me the love I deserve at this point in his life."

I get what he means but I don't understand it. I think the only way I could understand it is if I had been through a divorce myself. In my mind you don't give something up that you like because you aren't ready for it yet. If you let it go, it's gone and there is no getting it back. I feel you should hang onto it and you use that to help get you through the rough patch.

But I guess that is why I've always thought of him as way more mature relationship-wise than myself. Because I know he feels if he continues to date me while he is still suffering, it will only bring me down too. And instead of looking out for himself, he is looking out for me.

But that doesn't make me feel any better about this. I am still without the man I want to be with. I am still crying and missing him. Which feels way worse at this moment than whatever I would feel at any given moment if we continued dating.

So I might be sad now, but that is how life is. I may not be in the best part of my life, but the seasons always change. And I've got to remember to keep looking for spring, because it is just around the corner.